


Uknown object of cybertronian origins

by Plugs



Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: M/M, because it's funnier that way imo., some things are left untagged to avoid spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22756624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plugs/pseuds/Plugs
Summary: Humans find an unknown cybertronian object and put it in a museum. It isn't as mysterious as some cybertronians would like.
Comments: 23
Kudos: 110





	Uknown object of cybertronian origins

Skyfire found earth _fascinating_.

The memories of the glacier still gripped him and cold climates still caused his vents to quicken but he studied despite the fear. He leaned earth’s geological and biological history. He investigated the complexity's of human culture and society.

Through this study Skyfire had made friends with many human researchers. Because of those friendships himself, Optimus Prime, Jazz and Prowl had been officially invited to a new human museum of cybertronian artefacts.

The museum itself was specially designed to fit most cybertronians, but Skyfire still had to crouch. Skyfire felt anxious of damaging any fragile organic bodies with a misplaced servo or ped, so he was currently crouching in the corner of the room.

“Huh, they collected a lotta stuff to make this exhibit, ain’t that something Prowl?” Jazz remarked. Despite Jazz's casual tone he and Prowl were clearly cataloging and assessing everything in the room.

Skyfire could see most of the displays were harmless things like empty cubes or scrap metal. But some displays clearly held weapon ammunition that could prove a danger for curious humans or electronics that could hold delicate information.

A human spoke loudly, “I’m so glad you are enjoying this exhibit, perhaps you can enlighten us on these relics?”

Optimus who was standing in the middle of the room, somehow unafraid of misplaced peds replied, “— we are indeed, very grateful for our invitation and the hospitality we have been given,” Optimus added, glancing at Jazz. “we can see you’ve amassed a great collection, however—“

“—And the crown jewel of it is right here!” The human interrupted, “this item is both in perfect condition and has been puzzled over for centuries, it was found in a stone-age cave dwelling along with imitations of the object.” the human gestured to the fabric covered display.

“Uh oh,” Jazz whispered to Prowl. 

The human whipped off the sheet. The other humans made ‘ooh’ and ‘ahhhh’ noises.

Optimus spluttered. Jazz had a sudden coughing fit. Prowls wings were held rigid. Skyfire jerked up then hissed in pain as his helm hit the ceiling.

“is this a weapon!?” the human yelled. This caused the rest of them to panic leaving Skyfire terrified about accidentally crushing the humans as they began to dash around frantically. 

“Only...” Jazz gasped, “If you didn’t use...lu—“ a particularly venomous glare from Prowl silenced him.

Optimus's face mask moved up and down wordlessly.

“Optimus, sir,” a human in official looking clothes said. “do we evacuate?”

“...no” Optimus forced out. Then he regained some composure. “This item isn’t a threat to anyone, it’s...um...”

“—an item for ritual purposes,” Skyfire said. “As you can see by the markings on the side, it’s— _holy primus.”_

Because that was _his_ item for ritual purposes, with _his_ name on it. Said purposes being Starscream shoving it up his valve on a regular basis. Skyfire remembered them loosing it after a particularly awkward night where prehistoric humans intruded on their activity’s.

“So _that’s_ where the humans got the idea from.” Jazz laughed. “damn, no wonder they—“

“Jazz, _no,”_ Prowl growled.

“Uh, yes, this item is for ritual purposes and we need it back _now_ , thank-you.” Skyfire shuffled forwards and reached across the room. He scattered humans as he attempted to pick up the object.

 _Attempted_ because it fell to the floor, then started _buzzing_. Jazz broke out in roaring laughter despite Prowl’s increasingly blatant attempts to shush him.

A chatter of human voices babbled,

“Oh.”

“what’s it doing?”

“It’s going to explode!”

“Wait...is that a—“

Prowl growled, “It is a _dildo_ —we are mature mechs and will act accordingly, this item is a personal item and should _not_ be in a museum.”

“A dildo!” a human yelled.

Prowl's faceplates flushed. “I am _not_ going to explain any further—Jazz?”

Jazz’s laughter died. “what?” 

“The _dildo_ Jazz.”

“Wait a sec...you want _me_ to pick that thing up? frag no! We’ve got no idea where it’s been—I ain’t touching something that could have been up Megatron’s aft!”

“Dear Primus Jazz I did _not_ need that fragging mental image!” Optimus hissed.

“Did Optimus Prime say 'fuck'?” a human asked.

“I can get it!” insisted Skyfire who wanted the whole damn thing over. He reached for the dildo as once again humans scattered.He winced as his servo shattered one of the near by glass displays. The rusty acid rifle charges fell to the floor and began to eat into the marble.

“I believe all humans should evacuate,” Optimus declared. He then sighed in relief as the humans left in a stampede.

“Oh thank _Primus.”_ Prowl’s wings sagged.

“Yeah I still ain’t picking that up.” Jazz put his servos on his hips. “And Skyfire, uh, appreciate your dedication to protecting the innocence of humans but..." He gestured at the broken display. “I don’t think you’re the best mech for this job.”

The acid was still sizzling through the floor.

“Fine,” Prowl said. “But _someone_ has to pick it up.”

Prowl looked at Optimus.

Optimus looked at Prowl.

“...I’m sorry, I cannot get that _image_ out of my processor,” Optimus replied.

Prowl grit his teeth. “for the record, I am _not_ writing a mission report about this.”

Prowl walked over and picked up the dildo, it buzzed loudly until he slapped a switch at the base. He frowned as he read the glyphs on the base. “...property of Skyfire—“ his optics went wide. “who is owned by Starscream— _gah_!”

Prowl flung the dildo. It flew in an graceful arc across the room, sailing like a seeker through the air.

“Ow!” Skyfire winced as it bounced off his cockpit. “...I...uh....”

“—So, how about we pretend this _never_ happened?” Jazz interrupted.

“Please,” Skyfire said wearily.


End file.
